Welcome to poor me.

In order to get something, doesn't one usually have to put effort into achieving said thing of some nature ? Lately, and during other parts of my life, I have felt an aching sense of entitlement. As if I am silently saying; "don't I deserve more ? Don't I deserve better ?" To what end, you may wonder, am I feeling entitled. Well, I want to be financially stable. I want to earn this stability with the help of a job that I enjoy. My general felling is; Haven't I suffered enough ? This entitlement comes from some self victimization idea. I was raised with this idea. Life is suffering, or more accurately, suffering is unavoidable. As such, when you suffer, something beneficial is gained. When you work a terrible job, you are paid well. Conversely I have a the idea etched in my mind that, with every good, there is bad to follow.
*Break*
My internet connection is terrible. I wrote this 2 days ago and couldn't post it till today. Now I feel disconnected from it.